Looking back and falling forward

Emma's Enlightements

This Week’s Advice: Looking Back and Falling Forward. 

Welcome back! Even though it’s an adjustment going back and forth, I hope everyone had a much needed, restful break. I had a lot to think about during my time back home. 

Over the break, I learned something important: you can look back, but don’t fall back. 

I was by myself for a while, and I was thinking way too much.  

I started missing people I shouldn’t have and falling back into old habits of self-destruction. I was feeling down and missing everything at Troy. I wasn’t feeling like myself, and I was doubting being able to write, because I felt unable to give any advice since I wasn’t even taking my own. 

I started to fall back.  

I reached out to people that would not benefit me at all, only to lead me to feel more hurt. But, in that moment, it was the serotonin boost I thought I needed.  

The situation was cut short. It ended in the same way it always did. I knew it would, but I still put myself in that situation. 

I felt terrible and, almost, hopeless.  

I didn’t want to move forward; I wanted to keep falling back. 

I thought there was a cushion behind me to fall back on, but I was met with nothing.  

This is another lesson. I am always talking about taking lessons from things that happen to you, but it’s because that’s a way that helps change the narrative. 

It’s okay to look back and wish something was different. It’s okay to think about it and feel it, but don’t fall back on it.  

If it is behind you, it’s not meant to be in front of you. 

Moreover, it’s okay to fall. Everyone trips, everyone falls. Though, if you do fall, you have to fall forward. You can catch yourself if you fall forward, but you can’t if you fall back.  

For me, I have to keep busy to help with this.  

I say this because, although everyone is different, everyone has their own way of catching themselves. 

For me, it is to be busy. 

For others, it is alone time. 

It’s important to find what catches you. 

It’s so easy to get caught up in what is behind us. But as long as we have that thing that is catching us, we won’t get lost in what we could fall into.