Boise team upset over green turf

Sam Stroud

After inspecting Veterans Memorial Stadium ahead of the first game on Saturday, the Boise State football team was in a state of disbelief over the color of the turf because their own field is blue.

“It’s actually green!” a player commented. “We thought all football fields were blue.”

This unexpected development has required that the Broncos rethink their game plan.

“One of our team’s greatest assets, stealth, has been severely hampered,” said Broncos Head Coach Bryan Harsin. “Our team is basically a group of ninjas in football pads, but we can’t sneak around on a field if our uniforms don’t match the grass color.”

The realization that the Broncos’ defense has been rendered helpless is hitting the team hard.“The other team will be able to see our safeties on the field,” Harsin continued. “How are we supposed to get interceptions?”

Unfortunately for the Broncos, the problem isn’t isolated to the defense.

“Our wide receivers won’t be able to camouflage into the turf,” said Zak Hill, Boise State’s offensive coordinator. “We are potentially looking at a doomsday scenario in which our players will be visible to the naked eye while on the field.”

In what the Broncos maintain is an unrelated incident, there has been an influx of blue spray paint coming into Troy from Idaho.

In an attempt to make The Vet feel more like home, Boise fans traveling to Troy are also bringing in paint with them.

“The police can’t take all of us if we rush the field at once!” Broncos fan Greg Beasley said. “We can probably spray paint at least one side of the field blue. It’s the best way we can help our team.”

: Columns appearing under “Meanwhile, in Sparta...” are works of fiction. Any references to real people, places or events are satirical statements that do not reflect real events.