Silly-Scopes

Get some weekly insight with the Silly-Scopes!

Aries – How does it feel to be a super SUPER senior? You’ve been here long enough; you remember when Jack Hawkins became chancellor 30 years ago.

Taurus – Don't take the frustrations of your workload out on your friends. They didn’t make you do 30 credits, a full-time job and 10 different extracurriculars.

Gemini – Taking as many naps during the day as you do is a bit worrying. Are you ok? Do you need a blankie and glass of milk?

Cancer – Your standards are in the core of the earth and they’re still limbo-ing underneath it. Do better.

Leo – You are a walking beige flag, and I can’t tell if that's good or bad. Do some inward thinking and the colors might change.   

Virgo – If you're going to be stupid, make sure you can face the consequences.

Libra – Just because you’re anonymous and people can’t tell it's you, you're still a bad person. Spread love, not troy-themed hate.

Scorpio – The signs are signing off, and you're missing them all. They like you, and this one DOESN’T have any red flags! Wife them up!

Sagittarius – Being chronically online is NOT a flex. Did you know you have 30 minutes to fix your grades? NOT demure, NOT mindful.

Capricorn – Please stop stealing from the dining hall. It was fun at first but now all of your dishware is Sodexo approved.

Aquarius – The commuter meal plan isn’t the best, but resorting to eating out for every meal is NOT it. Groceries are much cheaper than Cookout every night.

Pisces – This is just the first exam; your grade will recover. Stop crying please.