New Year's Edition

Aries: New year, new you! Time to challenge yourself this year in ways you didn’t know you could. Maybe you can go skydiving and then hit up a volcano tour! Oh wait, you might need something more extreme to prove yourself.  

Taurus: You’ve always enjoyed the finer things in life, so that’s just what this year will be: fine. 

Gemini: You’ve already plugged the latest social events and group gatherings into your Google Calendar, every day of this year has been booked already, let’s circle back next year.

Cancer: Although you are proud of yourself for making a few resolutions for the new year, you cried because you had to say goodbye to last year. You will miss 2025.  

Leo: This year, you will look in the mirror even more than you already do and continue being the center of attention, nothing new for you, really.  

Virgo: You don’t like the term “New Year’s Resolutions.”  You prefer to think and plan strategically, so you’re already five years ahead and finalizing the details of your future long-term investments while adding everything to your aesthetically pleasing notion page.  

Libra: Your New Year’s Resolution? Oh, you can’t decide. Maybe just more skincare, smiles, balance and abundance in 2026, with the occasional aesthetic Instagram post so your followers know you’re still alive and still beautiful.  

Scorpio: Plot twist: the year may be new, but you’re still you with a tad more mystery and intimidating allure. Let’s just hope you don’t have to sting anyone like you did last year.  

Sagittarius: China! No, Japan! Argentina, Norway… You’re making a list of travel destinations for 2026 without thinking of finances or any plans in general. You could always tap into your savings… Yes, that’s a great idea... 

Capricorn: Your New Year’s Resolution is to take less breaks and spend your entire 365 days of the year working, because then you won’t have to process any emotions or reminisce on the past.

Aquarius: You actually haven’t celebrated the new year since you can remember, because time is a construct and the Gregorian calendar is not the same as the Aztec calendar nor the Lunar calendar, so do we really know what day, month or year we are actually in?   

Pisces: Oh, sorry! You were daydreaming about the Taylor Swift Eras Tour. You suppose your New Year’s Resolution would be to be more present, but you just have so many dreams for the future, and you just know you will be seeing T. Swift again.