Oh, he has anxiety - "Midnight Sun"

Madie's Margins

I’ve learned so much about my close personal enemy Edward Cullen as I read “Midnight Sun” by Stephenie Meyer, a rewrite of “Twilight” in Edward’s perspective rather than Bella’s.

This book was MASSIVE. The library’s copy was 756 pages, roughly twice the length of “Twilight,” and yet, the plot remains exactly the same, with only a few additional scenes fleshing out the Cullens. How on earth does Meyer manage to take a basic plot and stretch it for all it’s worth? Let’s review.

Edward the mind-reading vampire is moping in the cafeteria when he realizes he can’t read Bella's mind. He freaks out. In biology class, he smells her for the first time and plans to murder her because she’s delicious. He realizes this would be monstrous and freaks out.

Edward skips town, considering Bella his personal demon. When he returns, he decides to protect Bella because it’s what Carlisle would do. He tries to befriend her but freaks out.

Edward saves Bella from a van. He freaks out. Carlisle violates HIPAA to assure Edward that Bella is fine. Edward fails at gaslighting, but Bella surprisingly doesn’t tell anyone the truth.

Most of the Cullens worry about Edward. Alice foresees he will either kill Bella or turn her. Edward likes neither option and freaks out.

Edward starts watching Bella sleep, aware this is stalking but unable to ignore the compulsion. He realizes he is in love. He freaks out. He follows Bella to Port Angeles and saves her from assault, then takes her on an impromptu date where his vampiredom is revealed. Bella isn’t afraid, which freaks Edward out. The two get to know each other more. Edward freaks out. Alice foresees that Edward showing Bella his sparkly skin might get her killed. He freaks out but does it anyway. He maintains control, and they kiss.

Bella goes to meet the Cullens for Vampire Baseball, which is interrupted by evil vampires, like James, whose idea of fun is hunting Bella. Edward freaks out. Despite everyone’s best efforts, James gets to Bella and bites her before being killed by the Cullens.

Edward doesn’t want Bella to be a vampire and freaks out. He sucks the venom out of her and almost kills her but doesn’t. They take Bella to a hospital. Edward freaks out and decides he will leave her soon. Still, he goes to prom with Bella, where he freaks out. She asks to be a vampire. He kisses her instead.

Add in pages upon pages of self-loathing monologue, and that’s “Midnight Sun.”

This book had all the problems discussed in my “Twilight” review, with the added joys of poetic panic attacks, self-loathing, Rosalie slander and boredom.

If you didn’t notice, based on the 13 times I mentioned it in my summary, Edward spends most of the book freaking out. I became genuinely worried about him in several cases, and I am convinced Edward has some sort of anxiety disorder. I don’t want to armchair diagnose, but if a psychology major wants to help me out, “Midnight Sun” is in the library. I am qualified to hit the highlights, though. In this book, Edward Cullen:

Thoroughly plans to massacre his biology class in a way that will cause the least harm to everyone involved

Worries Bella will be attacked by a bear just outside her home, not even in bear season

Worries a comet will strike Bella’s house while she sleeps

Worries that if he doesn’t watch Bella sleep she will die a horrific death

Catastrophizes everything that ever happens ever

Unfortunately, I don’t think vampires can metabolize medication, and Edward can’t exactly open up to a therapist due to the whole being a vampire thing. Someone in the vampire world needs to go get licensed and treat this 100-something year-old child.

All of these worries are overly dramatized, written in a flowery and poetic style, dragging the whole thing out and making it hard to read.

Another issue of “Midnight Sun” is the page time dedicated to Edward’s melodramatic self-hatred. In this book, Edward Cullen compares himself to:

A monster

A comic book villain

A curse on Bella’s life

Hades

I’m in a hating Edward Cullen competition, and I’m losing to Edward Cullen. Again, these descriptions of himself are drawn out and poeticized, slowing down the entire book. I never thought I would miss the days when all Edward did was beg Bella to be scared of him and whine about not having a soul. At least he didn’t need to cite his literary sources for that.

And Stephenie Meyer, why are we not being a girl’s girl? This book is riddled with Rosalie slander?! (And yes, I know the technical term is libel, don’t come for me) The only really good thing about this book was giving more page time to the Cullens, and instead of fleshing out my favorite character Rosalie Cullen, Meyer writes such atrocities including:

Rosalie’s mind is essentially just a mirror, and she’s only ever thinking about herself and how pretty she is

Rosalie actually only hates Bella because she’s mad Edward thinks she’s prettier

Rosalie doesn’t have as much self-control as Edward, despite never having tasted human blood

Do you get my point? Rosalie is a wonderful character concept with an awesome backstory and clear motivations that don’t just boil down to “Why doesn’t Edward think I’m hot?” and Meyer flattens her in this book, and that makes me mad.

Finally, this book was just…boring. It lacked the unhinged appeal of “Twilight” as I already knew the plot and bogged down the pacing with melodrama and whining. I regularly wanted to just stop reading and move on to my more compelling TBRs.

The only good thing in the whole book is Alice, who should be protected from Meyer at all costs. I don’t think my heart can take another Rosalie-style character assassination.